where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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