I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
