Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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