Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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