it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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