i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
