What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
