We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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