she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
