Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
