if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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