I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
false alarm. still invincible.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
