I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
