i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
