I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
