Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
