STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
