He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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