So drunk its hurt
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
