I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
