These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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