sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
