Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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