that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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