is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
In America we eat man semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
