How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
