If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
