im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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