Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
