fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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