it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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