I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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