i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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