I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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