my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
