I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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