you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
