You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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