I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
