she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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