How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I AM VODKA MAN
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
