In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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