i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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