That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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