Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
