Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
