My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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