he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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