idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
