i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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